i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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