I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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