There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
