Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
