Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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