Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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