the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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