ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
