Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
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when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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