Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize