The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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