On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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