I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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