Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't put those talents on a resume
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
