I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
