so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
