How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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