Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He felt like a one man threesome
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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