eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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