One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize