would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
