I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
