What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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