I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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