she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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