My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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