I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
True college students do jello shots in the library
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
