Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
