i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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