I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
