Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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