Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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