You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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