So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I CAN MOONWALK!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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