Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
