Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
