Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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