Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
