now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
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You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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