I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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