I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We have started to decorate penises.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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