remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
