He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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