Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
God, I missed his penis.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
