No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im holly from the hills drunk
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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