Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
