And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
