the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
