I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
