i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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