you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
