guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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