Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
