omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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